Well, it finally happened Aaron, the nurse came to evaluate you for JFK. She will approve the pass but requested documentation from Dr. Giacino. We are waiting for that to be faxed over and then the pass will be complete. I went on a tour of the facility and I pray you will be happy there and they can help you to recover.
My life has changed forever but I know I can go on and continue to be strong as long as you continue to improve. I need for you to come home one day and once again be part of our family. We need you here, it has never been the same without yo
Wednesday, December 31, 2003
Summer - Winter, 2003
Tomorrow Dad and I go to court to be declared your guardians. Because you are now 18 years old you are considered an adult and we really have no rights where you are concerned. We want what is best for you and want to make sure you are protected. If and when you wake up and care for yourself, we will dissolve the guardianship. I pray that happens.
Friday we went to the ear specialist and you have a chronic ear infection that is not getting better. We have to find out what is causing the problem so they are sending you for a cat scan. Depending on what it shows you may need surgery otherwise you will have permanent hearing loss. Well, the day has come and we went to the hospital for the cat scan. As usual you were great and we had a good day. The weather was beautiful and you enjoyed the time out. The results of the cat scan were positive as far as no damage to the mastoid.You tested positive for 3 bacterial infections, 2 of which are not good. We had to go to a infectious disease doctor at the hospital and he consulted with Dr. Brabston and Dr. Taylor. The decision was made that you would have a central line put in that would enable you to get IV antibiotics for 2 weeks. The antibiotics were given twice daily and you were monitored very carefully for infection. The doctor’s were happy with the results and now you are on ear drops as a maintenance.
It is now summer and you continue to go to school and everyday I come and we go outside to walk or sit on the patio. Grandma and PopPop come every Sunday for church and to visit with you. I wish with all my heart more of your friends would come but they are all working and getting ready for college. I was especially sad because you have not seen Brian since the party in June and he did not come to see you before he left for school. Your girlfriends have come, especially Stacy and Tori and Katie.
It is now the end of summer and We had our IEP with Mrs. Dabonovich from the high school. During the meeting she mentioned an article she read in the New York Times and she mailed it to me. As I read the article it was about coma versus vegatitive state and it spoke about a Dr. Nicholas Schiff from Cornell University and Dr.Giacino from JFK in Edison. I decided to call Dr. Schiff in Cornell and he answered the phone and spoke with me. He asked questions about your accident and where you were at that point. He suggested I call Dr. Giacino in Edison and I did. Well, first I had to fax your records to him and then wait. Always a waiting game Aaron, but this time it paid off. Dr. Giacino called 2 weeks later and we spoke for some time. He asked if we would bring you to the center for brain injury in Edison for an evaluation. Your Dad and I rented a van in late November and off we went for the day. Dr. Giacino evaluated you for several hours and it was decided that you should be admitted to the center for 4-6 weeks. We had to request a TBI pass and that took some doing. First, I spoke with Jean in admissions and she notified the Medicaid office in Passaic County. Well, by then it was after Thanksgiving and it would take some time for the Medicaid nurse to come and evaluate you.
It is now getting close to Christmas and there still has been no evaluation for JFK, but Dad and I wanted to wait until after the holidays. We rented the van for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. It rained so hard Christmas Eve and we decided not to take any chances and bring you out. However, Christmas Day was a huge success and you were wonderful. We went to Aun’t Antoinette’s in East Hanover and all your cousins and Aunt’s and Uncle’s were there. They all got to spend time with you and we took lots of pictures. You looked so handsome in your new green sweater and cacky pants and moccasins. You wore your gold cross and new ID bracelet we got you for Christmas. It is now New Year’s Eve and we are spending time with you at the center. I bought food for the nurses and staff to enjoy.
Friday we went to the ear specialist and you have a chronic ear infection that is not getting better. We have to find out what is causing the problem so they are sending you for a cat scan. Depending on what it shows you may need surgery otherwise you will have permanent hearing loss. Well, the day has come and we went to the hospital for the cat scan. As usual you were great and we had a good day. The weather was beautiful and you enjoyed the time out. The results of the cat scan were positive as far as no damage to the mastoid.You tested positive for 3 bacterial infections, 2 of which are not good. We had to go to a infectious disease doctor at the hospital and he consulted with Dr. Brabston and Dr. Taylor. The decision was made that you would have a central line put in that would enable you to get IV antibiotics for 2 weeks. The antibiotics were given twice daily and you were monitored very carefully for infection. The doctor’s were happy with the results and now you are on ear drops as a maintenance.
It is now summer and you continue to go to school and everyday I come and we go outside to walk or sit on the patio. Grandma and PopPop come every Sunday for church and to visit with you. I wish with all my heart more of your friends would come but they are all working and getting ready for college. I was especially sad because you have not seen Brian since the party in June and he did not come to see you before he left for school. Your girlfriends have come, especially Stacy and Tori and Katie.
It is now the end of summer and We had our IEP with Mrs. Dabonovich from the high school. During the meeting she mentioned an article she read in the New York Times and she mailed it to me. As I read the article it was about coma versus vegatitive state and it spoke about a Dr. Nicholas Schiff from Cornell University and Dr.Giacino from JFK in Edison. I decided to call Dr. Schiff in Cornell and he answered the phone and spoke with me. He asked questions about your accident and where you were at that point. He suggested I call Dr. Giacino in Edison and I did. Well, first I had to fax your records to him and then wait. Always a waiting game Aaron, but this time it paid off. Dr. Giacino called 2 weeks later and we spoke for some time. He asked if we would bring you to the center for brain injury in Edison for an evaluation. Your Dad and I rented a van in late November and off we went for the day. Dr. Giacino evaluated you for several hours and it was decided that you should be admitted to the center for 4-6 weeks. We had to request a TBI pass and that took some doing. First, I spoke with Jean in admissions and she notified the Medicaid office in Passaic County. Well, by then it was after Thanksgiving and it would take some time for the Medicaid nurse to come and evaluate you.
It is now getting close to Christmas and there still has been no evaluation for JFK, but Dad and I wanted to wait until after the holidays. We rented the van for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. It rained so hard Christmas Eve and we decided not to take any chances and bring you out. However, Christmas Day was a huge success and you were wonderful. We went to Aun’t Antoinette’s in East Hanover and all your cousins and Aunt’s and Uncle’s were there. They all got to spend time with you and we took lots of pictures. You looked so handsome in your new green sweater and cacky pants and moccasins. You wore your gold cross and new ID bracelet we got you for Christmas. It is now New Year’s Eve and we are spending time with you at the center. I bought food for the nurses and staff to enjoy.
Monday, June 30, 2003
Thoughts
We continue to watch you and the small progress you are making. Progress is a good thing and we pray it will continue. You have been agitated and wanting to bite your index finger. You are making it bleed and it is all swollen and sometimes infected. The doctor came to check you and gave you antibiotics for the infection and valium to relax you. It is sometimes most difficult to watch you day in and day out and feeling so helpless. I want to take you in my arms and hold you and tell you everything will be okay.
June, 2003
Well, here it is June 19th, the BIG DAY, and your father and I had to be at the gym by 5:30 to meet with the dignitaries and your classmates. We marched in with the dignitaries and the teachers and then watched your classmates walk in. It was very difficult being there without you but we believe in our hearts we did the right thing. They presented everyone with their diplomas and saved yours for last. It was so powerful Aaron, and the entire gym went crazy. Mr. Mulvihill after calling everyone else came across with a very loud, pronounced voice AARON GEORGE HILL. Your Dad and I went up to receive it and I could not believe the response. Everyone stood up and was screaming and clapping and yelling GO RED, WE LOVE YOU RED. AARON AARON AARON, It was the most unbelievable experience of my life. Some day I hope you will be able to see the video of this and come to know how truly special you are.
Today is June 20th and someone very special is coming to visit. Barry Gabloff, your mentor in Mrs. Wyman’s pre-school class is coming from Maine and will be spending the afternoon with you. He is looking forward to seeing you and plans on coming everytime he is in Jersey. The visit went very well and you looked at Barry and smiled and we both knew you were aware of who he was. I took some pictures and plan on sending him one to keep. He said without a doubt you will come back from all of this and that time is on your side. He believes you have the will and the spirit to fight this and in my heart I believe it too.
Today is June 21st and it is 13 months since your accident. But who is counting. One day at a time and maybe tomorrow will be the day. It is all about you and when you are ready.
Tomorrow is June 22nd and Daddy and I are finally going to use the gift certificate you and Melissa gave us for our 25th Anniversary. We are going to NewYork and visit some wineries and sight see and just relax. We know you are in good hands and will be well taken care of. Melissa is coming to see you and she is bringing a CD of the Harry Potter movie for you to listen to. Daddy and I will be coming to see you on Monday on our way home. We will miss you but to be honest I am exhausted and hope to pull myself together and get some rest. These past few weeks have been very emotional and draining. We are only a phone call away and if anything happens we will be there within a few hours. We love you Aaron and for now I am going to say goodnight.
Today is June 20th and someone very special is coming to visit. Barry Gabloff, your mentor in Mrs. Wyman’s pre-school class is coming from Maine and will be spending the afternoon with you. He is looking forward to seeing you and plans on coming everytime he is in Jersey. The visit went very well and you looked at Barry and smiled and we both knew you were aware of who he was. I took some pictures and plan on sending him one to keep. He said without a doubt you will come back from all of this and that time is on your side. He believes you have the will and the spirit to fight this and in my heart I believe it too.
Today is June 21st and it is 13 months since your accident. But who is counting. One day at a time and maybe tomorrow will be the day. It is all about you and when you are ready.
Tomorrow is June 22nd and Daddy and I are finally going to use the gift certificate you and Melissa gave us for our 25th Anniversary. We are going to NewYork and visit some wineries and sight see and just relax. We know you are in good hands and will be well taken care of. Melissa is coming to see you and she is bringing a CD of the Harry Potter movie for you to listen to. Daddy and I will be coming to see you on Monday on our way home. We will miss you but to be honest I am exhausted and hope to pull myself together and get some rest. These past few weeks have been very emotional and draining. We are only a phone call away and if anything happens we will be there within a few hours. We love you Aaron and for now I am going to say goodnight.
June, 2003
I have been very busy planning a big party for you and your friends at the center. Jeff, the director has been wonderful and extremely instrumental in helping me do this. It is on Father’s Day, June 15th and there are approximately 100 people coming. It is to celebrate your life and bring all your friends together to celebrate this special time. It is not how I envisioned things would be but fate has a way of throwing some curve balls when we least expect it. The room will be done in green and white and we are having music and hopefully a good time for all. I am praying you will wake up and be able to enjoy every moment with your friends.
On June 3rd, 2004 we will be going to the high school for the Scholarship awards. We have decided to give 2 scholarships to students in your class in honor of you. It is all about who you are and they will go to one girl and one boy. They have asked us to come and make the presentation but emotionally it will be very difficult for me and Dad. So, we have decided to ask Mrs. Salomone to make a speech and Melissa will be presenting them to the recipients. I hope they will be as honored to receive them as we are to give them in your name. We will be there in your absence and pray that one day you will be able to look back and come to realize that you have made a difference.
On June 3rd, 2004 we will be going to the high school for the Scholarship awards. We have decided to give 2 scholarships to students in your class in honor of you. It is all about who you are and they will go to one girl and one boy. They have asked us to come and make the presentation but emotionally it will be very difficult for me and Dad. So, we have decided to ask Mrs. Salomone to make a speech and Melissa will be presenting them to the recipients. I hope they will be as honored to receive them as we are to give them in your name. We will be there in your absence and pray that one day you will be able to look back and come to realize that you have made a difference.
Friday, May 30, 2003
May, 2003
May 21st was one year since your accident and we planned a very special day for you. Barbara Caprara, Melissa and I rented a van and picked you up around 11. When we were ready to leave the van had a dead battery and we had to jump start it. We then went to Roland’s and you had a very successful visit with him. Only time will tell but I believe he can help you. I will do whatever it takes Aaron to bring you back to us. We love you so much and are very proud of you. Your fight to live has been the driving force behind what gets me up in the morning and keeps me going. I pray that I will stay strong and be there for you every step of the way. After Roland’s we took you for a haircut and then we went to Aun’t Ginny’s for dinner. Grandma and PopPop were there and Dad came after work. You were so calm and had this peace about you. One can only hope that as you wake up more you will have an easy transition and will not have to go through the frustration and anger that sometimes follows.
When we arrived home that night there was a letter waiting from the high school asking to attend the sports awards banquet on the 4th of June. They asked us to accept an award for you in your honor. I will do whatever is necessary to get through the 3rd and 4th Aaron. You worked so hard to get to this point and it is important for people to remember who you are and everything you stand for. We will make you proud and will video tape all of these special moments so one day you will be able to see them and remember.
There are going to be many changes at the center in the next month or so. You will be moving to another wing and they are adding 20 new beds in the wing you are in now. It is going to be an extension of Pediatrics and I keep thinking that one day you will be able to give something back and help those children. Maybe this is what God has in store for you, this will be a way that you can bring a little joy and happiness to their lives.
You will be getting new furniture and newly painted room and blinds on the windows. I am going to redo your room and make it very special for you. Some of the pictures and posters I will bring home and put in your bedroom and your special plaques and pictures I will hang in your new room.
It is now time for all the special events at the high school and how I wish you could be there. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do because you won’t be there with us. Today is June 3rd and it is scholarship night. Mrs. Salamone prepared a special tribute to you and our family and we will present 2 scholarships to 2 of your classmates who we felt resembled your qualities and likenesses. The 2 recipients are Patsy Ciccone and Adrianne Smith. The night was very emotional especially when Mrs. Salamone got up to make the presentation. She was so powerful and so well spoken, there was not a dry eye in the place. Patsy and Adrianne came over to speak to us and thanked us and Patsy felt he was not worthy.
Today is June 4th and it is the Sports awards banquet and I am sure it will be another emotional evening. I told Daddy he had to go up and get your award because it was the Father thing to do. However, Mr. Vara had other plans and when they announced your name they said Aaron’s Mom will accept this award on your behalf. I stood up and could not believe that everyone in the hall was standing and applauding for us. I say us because these past 2 nights are all about you and this is why we have been doing these things for you. Your friends have been very compassionate and caring throughout this most difficult time. You are truly blessed Aaron and one day I pray you will come to know all this. That is why I am writing in this journal for you.
I know now how much your friends truly do love you and miss you, it was evident in your yearbook. The tribute to you was so beautiful and well deserved.
When we arrived home that night there was a letter waiting from the high school asking to attend the sports awards banquet on the 4th of June. They asked us to accept an award for you in your honor. I will do whatever is necessary to get through the 3rd and 4th Aaron. You worked so hard to get to this point and it is important for people to remember who you are and everything you stand for. We will make you proud and will video tape all of these special moments so one day you will be able to see them and remember.
There are going to be many changes at the center in the next month or so. You will be moving to another wing and they are adding 20 new beds in the wing you are in now. It is going to be an extension of Pediatrics and I keep thinking that one day you will be able to give something back and help those children. Maybe this is what God has in store for you, this will be a way that you can bring a little joy and happiness to their lives.
You will be getting new furniture and newly painted room and blinds on the windows. I am going to redo your room and make it very special for you. Some of the pictures and posters I will bring home and put in your bedroom and your special plaques and pictures I will hang in your new room.
It is now time for all the special events at the high school and how I wish you could be there. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do because you won’t be there with us. Today is June 3rd and it is scholarship night. Mrs. Salamone prepared a special tribute to you and our family and we will present 2 scholarships to 2 of your classmates who we felt resembled your qualities and likenesses. The 2 recipients are Patsy Ciccone and Adrianne Smith. The night was very emotional especially when Mrs. Salamone got up to make the presentation. She was so powerful and so well spoken, there was not a dry eye in the place. Patsy and Adrianne came over to speak to us and thanked us and Patsy felt he was not worthy.
Today is June 4th and it is the Sports awards banquet and I am sure it will be another emotional evening. I told Daddy he had to go up and get your award because it was the Father thing to do. However, Mr. Vara had other plans and when they announced your name they said Aaron’s Mom will accept this award on your behalf. I stood up and could not believe that everyone in the hall was standing and applauding for us. I say us because these past 2 nights are all about you and this is why we have been doing these things for you. Your friends have been very compassionate and caring throughout this most difficult time. You are truly blessed Aaron and one day I pray you will come to know all this. That is why I am writing in this journal for you.
I know now how much your friends truly do love you and miss you, it was evident in your yearbook. The tribute to you was so beautiful and well deserved.
Wednesday, April 30, 2003
April, 2003
On Tuesday, April 28th Melissa called me at work at 6:15 in the morning crying in pain with her leg. I left work and came home to pick her up and take her to Dover Emergency room. They found a blood clot and decided it was okay to send her home. She was to follow-up with her Doctor and notify her ObGyn of the blood clot. Melissa had to follow-up with Dr. Trader on Wednesday and she was admitted to Newton Memorial Hospital. The blood clot turned out to be a deep vein thrombosis and could be dangerous if it moved. She was given Hepperin through IV which upset her terribly. It took 2 tries to get the line started but once done she was okay. She was also given Kumidin and told to rest. It has been 5 days and she is now starting to feel better and is allowed to walk the halls and sit up in a chair. The first several days were painful and she was given Percusset. This past week has been very stressful and Dad and I are dividing our time between the both of you. Needless to say I am exhausted but hanging on. Melissa stayed in the hospital until Monday and stayed home until the following Monday to recuperate. She did well on her first day back but had a set back on Tuesday. Her boss called me at 11:30 to come over and I found EMT’s and the health department standing around her. I called Dr. Trader and she told me to take her to Newton Hospital for a Doppler and blood work. Thank God everything is okay and the blood clot is gone and Melissa is feeling good.
April, 2003
Tomorrow is our big day with Liz and Gregg, I am so excited we are all going to be together but more importantly is where we are taking you. Today you will meet Roland who is a spiritual man who specializes in the mind and body connection. He spent one hour with you today and you were very responsive. He touched you and prayed for you and told you to fight hard and focus. You are already showing signs of improvement with the physical movement in your right arm. I believe you are more aware and will one day soon be with us. Roland told me that you see more than we think you do, I believe him and when we go to see the retna specialist on the 5th of May we will get some good news. Roland also said you are in no pain and that made me feel so much better. I am going to do whatever I can to get you there as often as possible. I believe he can help you Aaron.
You and Gregg had a great day together, after Roland’s we took you both for haircuts and then to Uncle Fred’s deli for lunch. PopPop and Grandma came to see you and you were so content and calm and smiled. They are great people and we are so blessed that our paths have crossed. I do believe you and Gregg will be good friends one day and will impact each other in a very positive way. I pray you will recover from this accident and you will have a quality of life you can be proud of and hopefully one day have a family of your own.
Today, I am making plans for a party for you at the center. One I believe will celebrate your life with all the people who truly care about you and at the same time we will have a salute to the class of 2003. I pray you will be awake to share in this special occasion and you will come to know how truly loved you are and how many friends have come to be with you. The center is doing the decorating and PopPop’s friend is playing music. Uncle Fred and Aun’t Nancy are going to cater it and we all know how great a cook they are.
Easter weekend is here and we are spending Saturday morning picking up the van and visiting with Grandma Jane. We arrived at the center about noon and Daddy followed and we got you home around 2. You were so good and friends came to visit. Andy D’Amico and Sarah Guenther and Debbie. Rob came with Jennine and you stayed up until late Saturday night. Barbara came and visited and the was great until we had to lift you out of the chair. Dad lost it and said we were never doing this again. But you know me Aaron, I take everything in stride and knew you were going to be okay. Worse came to worse we lifted you from the chair to the bed. One of the best things I could have done was to buy a Aero bed and replace the sofa bed mattress with that. It worked well and you slept like a rock. Barbara and Pat came over and they helped lift you in the chair and we went to Uncle Fred’s for Easter. There were about 30 people and we had a lot of fun. The weather was great and you sat on the deck for a while and enjoyed all your cousins and the rest of your family. One thing I forgot to mention was “Charlie” he was so cute when we got you home. He smelled you and ran to the couch, jumped up on the arm of the couch and cried because he could not reach you to give you a kiss. And of course Melissa especially enjoyed you being home because she got you all to herself.
I don’t know when we will get you home again Aaron but I will try my best, even for just a day. I noticed an improvement with you that warms my heart. I truly believe you are more alert and are more aware of your surroundings. You seem to understand more and even though you cannot speak I feel the connection. I can’t even imagine what it must be like for you to hear me and see me but not be able to talk to me. The center is concerned about your need to chomp down and naw at your hand. You are biting the inside of your mouth and causing it to bleed and get raw. Now I find out they are putting you on Valium. I must say all these drugs are making me nervous but they assure me that it is a very mild dose, just enough to take off the edge. I have to believe their right and it is the best thing for you. But make no mistake I will be watching closely to make sure it does not become excessive. If this is any indication that you are moving towards the next level than so be it, that to me is a good thing. I, more so than anyone do not want you to harm yourself and so if the valium will help you to not do that than so be it.
You and Gregg had a great day together, after Roland’s we took you both for haircuts and then to Uncle Fred’s deli for lunch. PopPop and Grandma came to see you and you were so content and calm and smiled. They are great people and we are so blessed that our paths have crossed. I do believe you and Gregg will be good friends one day and will impact each other in a very positive way. I pray you will recover from this accident and you will have a quality of life you can be proud of and hopefully one day have a family of your own.
Today, I am making plans for a party for you at the center. One I believe will celebrate your life with all the people who truly care about you and at the same time we will have a salute to the class of 2003. I pray you will be awake to share in this special occasion and you will come to know how truly loved you are and how many friends have come to be with you. The center is doing the decorating and PopPop’s friend is playing music. Uncle Fred and Aun’t Nancy are going to cater it and we all know how great a cook they are.
Easter weekend is here and we are spending Saturday morning picking up the van and visiting with Grandma Jane. We arrived at the center about noon and Daddy followed and we got you home around 2. You were so good and friends came to visit. Andy D’Amico and Sarah Guenther and Debbie. Rob came with Jennine and you stayed up until late Saturday night. Barbara came and visited and the was great until we had to lift you out of the chair. Dad lost it and said we were never doing this again. But you know me Aaron, I take everything in stride and knew you were going to be okay. Worse came to worse we lifted you from the chair to the bed. One of the best things I could have done was to buy a Aero bed and replace the sofa bed mattress with that. It worked well and you slept like a rock. Barbara and Pat came over and they helped lift you in the chair and we went to Uncle Fred’s for Easter. There were about 30 people and we had a lot of fun. The weather was great and you sat on the deck for a while and enjoyed all your cousins and the rest of your family. One thing I forgot to mention was “Charlie” he was so cute when we got you home. He smelled you and ran to the couch, jumped up on the arm of the couch and cried because he could not reach you to give you a kiss. And of course Melissa especially enjoyed you being home because she got you all to herself.
I don’t know when we will get you home again Aaron but I will try my best, even for just a day. I noticed an improvement with you that warms my heart. I truly believe you are more alert and are more aware of your surroundings. You seem to understand more and even though you cannot speak I feel the connection. I can’t even imagine what it must be like for you to hear me and see me but not be able to talk to me. The center is concerned about your need to chomp down and naw at your hand. You are biting the inside of your mouth and causing it to bleed and get raw. Now I find out they are putting you on Valium. I must say all these drugs are making me nervous but they assure me that it is a very mild dose, just enough to take off the edge. I have to believe their right and it is the best thing for you. But make no mistake I will be watching closely to make sure it does not become excessive. If this is any indication that you are moving towards the next level than so be it, that to me is a good thing. I, more so than anyone do not want you to harm yourself and so if the valium will help you to not do that than so be it.
April, 2003
I have been busy in your room at home cleaning and trying to organize everything. The iquana cage came out great and one of these days I will make your bed for the first time in 11 months.
Wednesday we are spending the day with Liz and Gregg. He is so excited to be hanging out with you and looks forward to seeing you soon. We may go to children’s specialized to see everyone and possibly get you a haircut. We are bringing you home for Easter overnight. I pray everything goes well and you will be able to connect with the home environment. Charlie will go crazy when he sees you but that may be what you need to help you through this.
I wish with all my heart that your best friend Brian will come soon. You need him and I believe he needs you as well. Your friends support you and love you very much. I am very impressed with the care they give to you and the comfort and support. They are sincere and very compassionate.
Wednesday we are spending the day with Liz and Gregg. He is so excited to be hanging out with you and looks forward to seeing you soon. We may go to children’s specialized to see everyone and possibly get you a haircut. We are bringing you home for Easter overnight. I pray everything goes well and you will be able to connect with the home environment. Charlie will go crazy when he sees you but that may be what you need to help you through this.
I wish with all my heart that your best friend Brian will come soon. You need him and I believe he needs you as well. Your friends support you and love you very much. I am very impressed with the care they give to you and the comfort and support. They are sincere and very compassionate.
April, 2003
Several weeks ago you had so many visitors. There were 19 people who came in one day. Mr. Nemeth, the soccer and basketball coach and his family. The DeRosa’s and family, your 2 great Aunt’s and cousins and Aunt’s and Uncle’s. You did so well and stayed awake the entire time. The two little girls sang Jesus loves you this I know, cause the Bible tells me so. Yes, Jesus loves me, yes Jesus loves me. They were so cute Aaron.
Your sister’s birthday is next month and I don’t know what to do for her. She is going to be 24. Beth is taking her to Atlantic City where she is staying at the Taj Mahal and going to see Sheryl Crow. She is so lucky to have such a good friend and I pray their friendship lasts forever.
Wednesday is going to be a very important day for me. I am taking your cat scan to Children’s Specialized in Mountainside so Dr. Yalamanchi can compare the new one to the one taken in October. I hope to see Sally, Lauren and Stephanie while I am there. Lauren emailed me not too long ago to ask how you were doing. You were very special to all of them and they had hoped with all their hearts they could have done more.
Well, Wednesday is here and I will be meeting with Dr. Y. It was as I had expected and that is a wait and see. He said you may never be able care for yourself or walk or talk, but I don’t believe that. In my heart I truly believe you are giving yourself the time you need to heal. I pray for that day so much. I know you will never be the same but I think you can find your way back to us and some function of life. I saw Sally and Lauren and they were asking about you, I bought pictures with me and they took some for their wall.
Your new wheelchair has arrived and I must say you are so much more comfortable and relax much more than before. It is fire engine red and has a head strap to help keep your head up. Sometimes you are fine without it and others, especially when you are tired you fall forward.
I am noticing you are more alert and seem to be understanding more. You smile all the time and are eating very well for me. Your friends are coming more and they have enjoyed their visits with you so much. Some have heard you make sounds and squeeze their hands and look at them when they talk to you. More and more are coming to see you and they come back more often. They want you to do the walk for graduation but I don’t think that is possible. The only way I can do that is if you tell me you want to. If you can do that I will have you there in a heartbeat.
Your sister’s birthday is next month and I don’t know what to do for her. She is going to be 24. Beth is taking her to Atlantic City where she is staying at the Taj Mahal and going to see Sheryl Crow. She is so lucky to have such a good friend and I pray their friendship lasts forever.
Wednesday is going to be a very important day for me. I am taking your cat scan to Children’s Specialized in Mountainside so Dr. Yalamanchi can compare the new one to the one taken in October. I hope to see Sally, Lauren and Stephanie while I am there. Lauren emailed me not too long ago to ask how you were doing. You were very special to all of them and they had hoped with all their hearts they could have done more.
Well, Wednesday is here and I will be meeting with Dr. Y. It was as I had expected and that is a wait and see. He said you may never be able care for yourself or walk or talk, but I don’t believe that. In my heart I truly believe you are giving yourself the time you need to heal. I pray for that day so much. I know you will never be the same but I think you can find your way back to us and some function of life. I saw Sally and Lauren and they were asking about you, I bought pictures with me and they took some for their wall.
Your new wheelchair has arrived and I must say you are so much more comfortable and relax much more than before. It is fire engine red and has a head strap to help keep your head up. Sometimes you are fine without it and others, especially when you are tired you fall forward.
I am noticing you are more alert and seem to be understanding more. You smile all the time and are eating very well for me. Your friends are coming more and they have enjoyed their visits with you so much. Some have heard you make sounds and squeeze their hands and look at them when they talk to you. More and more are coming to see you and they come back more often. They want you to do the walk for graduation but I don’t think that is possible. The only way I can do that is if you tell me you want to. If you can do that I will have you there in a heartbeat.
Saturday, April 12, 2003
April 12, 2003
Today is Saturday, April 12, 2003 and it turned out to be a beautiful day. We had you outside for 2 hours and you were so relaxed and content. You wore the sharp outfit from Katie Howell, I must say she has great taste. She bought you Tommy Hilfiger pants, shirt and socks and boxers. Needless to say they were all red.
Monday, March 31, 2003
March, 2003
Today is March 21st and it is 10 months since your accident. A lot has happened this past month and there is so much I do not understand and I fear the not knowing. Several weeks ago on a Wednesday, it was approximately 4 p.m. when you had your first seizure. Debbie timed it at 45 seconds from the time she walked in the room and she diagnosed it. I was never so scared as I was that day. To see you shaking and breathing irratically and your eyes going every which way was devastating. I felt so bad for Debbie because she was so sick that day and she was doing everything she could to help you. I stayed until 9:30 so I could make sure you were okay. We went for a cat scan the following week and the news was good. The cat scan did not show any seizure activity or swelling, bleeding and fluid. We were so glad for the news and prayed it would never happen again. Unfortunately, it did. We had gone to see a Neurologist who wanted to prescribe seizure medicine but because he could not say for sure you would have another one we opted to wait. I prayed that it would not happen again but my prayers were not answered. Several weeks later you had another seizure much worse than the one before that lasted one minute and they described it as violent.
Friday, February 28, 2003
Thoughts
This year was supposed to be a big year for you with special meaning because you would have been a Senior in high school and looking forward to graduation. Your friends are preparing to move on and take on new challenges for the future. The senior class trip is planned for Virginia Beach for 4 days and the prom is Memorial Weekend. It saddens me to think that you will not be a part of it, but whatever the reason that you are where you are today can only be answered by every passing day and the hard work and determination you have to get better. I know you are in a place you do not want to be in and if it were possible you would change the way things are. There has to be some good to come from all of this Aaron and hopefully we will come to know what that is one day soon.
Jeff, the director at the center approached me about having a post-graduation party for you with all your friends and family. I am hoping that one day soon you will be able to communicate to me what it is you would like for me to do. I am tormented about all of this because I try to put myself in your place and think about what you would want me to do. Nothing would make me happier than to hear you say “Yes, Mom or no Mom, I do or don’t want a party.” It would have to be for all the right reasons and not because it would make me feel better or so your friends could celebrate without you being a part of it. I don’t want you to feel as though you are being put on display. However, I do feel this could be a celebration of your life.. Your friends have been traumatized by this accident and what it has done to someone they hold very dear to their hearts. It has not been easy for them to see someone who was vibrant and energetic and constantly full of life, now so totally dependent on other people to care for him. You always made them laugh and whenever someone needed a shoulder to cry on you listened. When you were in ICU for 3 ½ weeks your friends would come in large groups and sit in the hallway hugging and crying and telling all kinds of stories about you. They would laugh and cry and remember how truly special you were. One time they all left and I thought they had gone home but they came back with McDonald’s and all sat on the floor eating. I went over to them and commented about lunch and they said they thought if you smelt the French fries you would come out and join them. I remember thinking how difficult this was for them and how they were doing everything they could to get through this. I could see and feel their pain but it was hard for me to reach out to them. They were very supportive of me and Dad and shared many stories about you that helped us to come to know a side of you we never realized. We would laugh a lot and cry, but I remember thinking how proud I was because of the tremendous impact you had on your friends.
Jeff, the director at the center approached me about having a post-graduation party for you with all your friends and family. I am hoping that one day soon you will be able to communicate to me what it is you would like for me to do. I am tormented about all of this because I try to put myself in your place and think about what you would want me to do. Nothing would make me happier than to hear you say “Yes, Mom or no Mom, I do or don’t want a party.” It would have to be for all the right reasons and not because it would make me feel better or so your friends could celebrate without you being a part of it. I don’t want you to feel as though you are being put on display. However, I do feel this could be a celebration of your life.. Your friends have been traumatized by this accident and what it has done to someone they hold very dear to their hearts. It has not been easy for them to see someone who was vibrant and energetic and constantly full of life, now so totally dependent on other people to care for him. You always made them laugh and whenever someone needed a shoulder to cry on you listened. When you were in ICU for 3 ½ weeks your friends would come in large groups and sit in the hallway hugging and crying and telling all kinds of stories about you. They would laugh and cry and remember how truly special you were. One time they all left and I thought they had gone home but they came back with McDonald’s and all sat on the floor eating. I went over to them and commented about lunch and they said they thought if you smelt the French fries you would come out and join them. I remember thinking how difficult this was for them and how they were doing everything they could to get through this. I could see and feel their pain but it was hard for me to reach out to them. They were very supportive of me and Dad and shared many stories about you that helped us to come to know a side of you we never realized. We would laugh a lot and cry, but I remember thinking how proud I was because of the tremendous impact you had on your friends.
February, 2003
On Thursday, February 20th, your Dad and I were married 26 years. We came to see you and then went to dinner and much of the time we spoke about you. Dad works with someone who has a son who is going to be 18 and is in a coma also. He drug overdosed and they do not hold out much hope for him. He may be coming to Wanaque and be with you on the 2nd floor. Who knows someday you may meet and be able to communicate with one another. Nothing would make me happier.
On Friday, the 21st your sister left for Ft. Lauderdale, her and your cousin Margaret flew there to surprise Grandma and Pop Pop for the weekend. Lucky her to get away from this lousy weather. She is basking in the sun in 90 degree weather, swimming and driving around in a convertible. We won’t see her til Wednesday because she has to attend a conference for work and goes directly there on Monday.
On Friday, the 21st your sister left for Ft. Lauderdale, her and your cousin Margaret flew there to surprise Grandma and Pop Pop for the weekend. Lucky her to get away from this lousy weather. She is basking in the sun in 90 degree weather, swimming and driving around in a convertible. We won’t see her til Wednesday because she has to attend a conference for work and goes directly there on Monday.
Thoughts
From the time you were a little boy you always smiled and had so much fun. You were relentless in doing everything you could to do things your way. You never wanted to wait it always had to be NOW. You lived your life to the fullest when it came to trying new things and taking on new challenges. From the time you were 4 years old you played soccer and did t-ball. You went from in-town leagues to traveling teams and played for other towns as well. We spent many summers traveling with you to different states for soccer and because of that we met some wonderful people along the way and you made many friends. It was a wonderful experience for all of us, as a Mom I am so thankful for those opportunities.
When you had your accident I did not realize the enormous impact it had on other people. I learned so many things about you I never knew and questioned how well I knew my own son. I am especially proud of the commitment you made to help other children with sports. You assisted coaches in a way that enabled their children to learn from someone who has experienced it all. You impacted many lives and formed bonds with so many youths that will never be forgotten.
When you were 4 years old and attended the pre-school program at the high school you were a challenge to everyone there, especially when it came to sitting still and doing your work. All you cared about was socializing and playing. And then you met Barry. Thank God for Barry, he got a hold of you and from that point on never let go. He had the patience of a Saint and never gave up on you. You loved him so much and even when he had to leave to go to another class he found his way back to you later in the day. Sometimes he would skip a class just so he could stay with you. He loved those mornings with you and the special bond you had for each other still lives on today. He never forgot you Aaron, you have always had a special place in his heart. One day soon you will meet again and I pray that you will be able to communicate to him.
Aaron, I love you with all my heart and continue to pray for you. You are in for the fight of your life and if anyone can do it you can. People tell me you have your youth on your side and the strength and determination to see this through. I have never been more scared in my life to think that I will never have the Son that I brought into this world as one and the same. I look at you and see how far you have come and how wonderful you look. But unfortunately, we don’t know what is going on inside. I pray that you are healing and each day will bring you closer. I miss your voice, your vibrant personality, your infectious laugh, and above all your sensitivity and compassion towards other people. I especially miss the special times you and Melissa shared together. The two of you fooling around and giggling over stupid things and many times you would end up fighting and hating each other. Typical of siblings but you always found your way back to each other.
When you had your accident I did not realize the enormous impact it had on other people. I learned so many things about you I never knew and questioned how well I knew my own son. I am especially proud of the commitment you made to help other children with sports. You assisted coaches in a way that enabled their children to learn from someone who has experienced it all. You impacted many lives and formed bonds with so many youths that will never be forgotten.
When you were 4 years old and attended the pre-school program at the high school you were a challenge to everyone there, especially when it came to sitting still and doing your work. All you cared about was socializing and playing. And then you met Barry. Thank God for Barry, he got a hold of you and from that point on never let go. He had the patience of a Saint and never gave up on you. You loved him so much and even when he had to leave to go to another class he found his way back to you later in the day. Sometimes he would skip a class just so he could stay with you. He loved those mornings with you and the special bond you had for each other still lives on today. He never forgot you Aaron, you have always had a special place in his heart. One day soon you will meet again and I pray that you will be able to communicate to him.
Aaron, I love you with all my heart and continue to pray for you. You are in for the fight of your life and if anyone can do it you can. People tell me you have your youth on your side and the strength and determination to see this through. I have never been more scared in my life to think that I will never have the Son that I brought into this world as one and the same. I look at you and see how far you have come and how wonderful you look. But unfortunately, we don’t know what is going on inside. I pray that you are healing and each day will bring you closer. I miss your voice, your vibrant personality, your infectious laugh, and above all your sensitivity and compassion towards other people. I especially miss the special times you and Melissa shared together. The two of you fooling around and giggling over stupid things and many times you would end up fighting and hating each other. Typical of siblings but you always found your way back to each other.
February, 2003
We had a blizzard that kept me from coming to see you. You were on my mind constantly and I wished with all my heart that you could have been here with us. We had about 30 inches of snow and we could have used some of your muscle power to help clean up the mess. It was overwhelming to say the least. We would shovel and a few minutes later it would be covered. The worse part was finding a place for all the snow.
On the 21st of February, it was 9 months since your accident and I continued to pray for that one miracle that will bring you back to us. I miss you terribly even though I see you everyday. Your infectious laugh and funny sense of humor always kept me going. No matter how mad you were at me and always told me to zip it, you always knew what to say or do to make me feel better.
On the 21st of February, it was 9 months since your accident and I continued to pray for that one miracle that will bring you back to us. I miss you terribly even though I see you everyday. Your infectious laugh and funny sense of humor always kept me going. No matter how mad you were at me and always told me to zip it, you always knew what to say or do to make me feel better.
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